The Police Force

The Quirk-ville police department is about as peculiar as the rest of town. In charge is none other than Lucy Lawless (Codename: Xena). Sheriff Lucy's deputy, Amandabear, is also her wife, but Miss Lawless denies that any kind of favorism is taking place. The police department has been known to hire Ninja Meerkats from the local ninja academy when they are actually short on manpower.

Sheriff Lawless' name actually defines the majority of the policeforce's work rather well, with the sheriff being a known sadist who randomly drags innocent people off to prison - or as Lucy herself calls it: her "dungeon".

Deputy Amandabear makes sure to arrest the occasional criminal as well, however, giving her wife Xena some additional bit of fun. "The Dungeon" was known to keep citizens awake throughout the night because of the strange noices coming out of it, but this was before Mayor West agreed to invest money in soundproof cells to keep the prisoners in. "It proved to be much cheaper than starting an independent investigation of what was actually going on in there" Mayor West has been quoted as saying.

Outsiders might call the sheriff slightly eccentric, but they don't know better. In fact, she wasn't always like that: Before she met the lovely Amandabear she was actually married to another lady, namely her former deputy and assistant, Gabrielle.

Sheriff Lawless seen her with her former deputy and ex-wife, Miss Gabrielle.

Xena and Gabrielle were said to be just as peas in a pod, but so what happened to change all of this? Apparently, after busting a group of nutbread-smuggler, Deputy Gabrielle was unable to resist temptation and tried out the goods. The nutbread sent her on a one-way trip to Crazytown (not the literal Crazytown, neighbouring and rivaling Quirk-ville) and she was never the same.

The most recent addition to the QHL. The team is owned by none other than leafstk. He hopes that this new team will at least do better than the Mapleleafs.
The Bruisers arch-rivals are the Beer-apes, who they specialize in punishing on and off the ice.

The Swedish Mafia

As a quick reply to his adopted sister's new police force, Amandabear's more chaotic twinny Carsomyr decied to found the Swedish Mafia. Their headquarters is at an undisclosed location, and the exact number of members is unknown. Rumours are that the mafia has picked up smuggling nutbread into town, making huge money off of it.

Godfather Carsomyr, standing in front of his Mafia Partyvan.

The Howler Monkey Invasion
Investigations suggest that the Swedish Mafia is actually responsible for the recent invasion of Howler Monkeys in Quirk-ville. What the mafia's motivations are remains unknown, but it is quite possible that it was done simply to amuse the Godfather.

Don't mess with the mafia, or you may find yourself sleeping with the fishes.

The Great Mishap at Storageroom 7
This was one of the mafia's more chaotic operations. The town had run short on sonicares after the Mafia had purchased and/or stolen most of them, so Mayor West ordered the few remaining ones to be stashed in a heavily guarded storageroom.

After seeking training at the mysterious Ninja Academy, Vice Boss Sweed tried to sneak into the guarded storage space on her own. All went well until she got inside, and accidentally bumped into one of the more massive shelves. Crates filled with sonicares fell out and broke, and as the sonicares hit the floor most of them started.

As a convenient plot contraption, the guards had temporarily gone away to, I dunno, buy coffee or something, when the crates hit the floor, but Sweed still had to get out of the storageroom without being noticed. As she had entered barefoot in order to sneak better this was indeed not an easy task with the ground now filled with activated sonicares, and the muffled giggles nearly got her caught.

The sonicares were still successfully obtained after Sweed had had a chance to recover and stage a new attempt. The details on this are still unclear, but it is known that the brilliant theft involved a batch of Howler Monkeys, 10 feet of dental floss and a pair of sunglasses. This feat would probably have given Sweed a codename along the lines of "MacGyver", had she not already been called "The Hamster". The reason behind this nickname is something the Vice Boss actively tries to keep hidden from the public.

Other operations
This is no regular Mafia. Instead of being armed with guns, all members carry feathers. High-ranking members are even known to be armed with sonicares. It is suggested that the mafia's preying on unsuspecting ladies is the only reason why the police department has gotten involved, as it has sparked a bitter rivalry with Sheriff Xena's own, similar operations.

Mayor West has asked citizens to be on the lookout for any mafia sightings to give crime-fighters a better idea of what they're dealing with.

The Swedish Mafia is currently recruiting. Join us - we will give you an offer you can't refuse!

Known Members:
Carsomyr - Godfather
Sweed - Vice Mafia Boss
Peter Forsberg - Consigliere
Tyki Mikk - Made Man

Peter Forsberg, Consigliere of the Swedish Mafia. It is believed that he is behind most of the more successful moves made by The Family, as the Godfather himself is eccentric far beyond the stage where it's just harmless fun.

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The Organization
Godfather Carsomyr is known to be "deliciously insane", and it is rumored that when he sat down to draw up the command structure of the Mafia he exclaimed: "I need a Consigliere; give me the Goddamned Batman!"

After being informed that Batman may very well be the mayor of Quirk-ville, the Godfather agreed to go with the much safer second-hand choice, fellow Swede Peter Forsberg. When asked about his new Consigliere the Godfather has simply been quoted as saying: "This is epic!"

More recently, the Swedish Mafia has also seen a new addition to it's ranks, namely none other than Sweed. She was instantly named "Vice Boss", probably after bribing Carsomyr with appletini's. As the Vice Boss, it is Sweed's task to make sure that orders are carried out, as well as being in charge of supplying the mafia with enough feathers and sonicares to go around - a vital task indeed!

Who the street-thugs of the Swedish Mafia are is more or less unknown, but there is supposedly a certain "Tyki Mikk", claiming to be from the made up fairyland of Finland, working for Carsomyr. Rumours also place Sheriff Xena's sworn enemy Gabrielle somewhere within the organization, but this has not been confirmed.

Media Coverage
The Swedish Mafia does not normally enjoy media exposure, but leafstk of The Quirk-ville Enquirer was once granted an interview with the Godfather himself. This may be because Carsomyr mistook him for a figment of his imagination, but he could also just have been drunk.

Tyki Mikk of the Swedish Mafia. Apparently, when he's not busy plotting the destruction of mankind or placing flesheating golems shaped like butterflies (Why butterflies? Because it's fucking awesome!) inside people's chests to guarantee them a slow and painful death he also runs some errands for Godfather Carsomyr. Mr. Mikk can also walk on water and pass through any matter. Furthermore he enjoys wearing top hats just as any true gentleman should! Did we mention he is way cooler than you'll ever be?

The Armada

With no standing army of its own, Quirk-ville has hired the SSF's very own Armada to protect the town from bandits and intergalactic supervillains! A local legion of battleships was formerly commanded by our beloved AmandaBear, but has now been taken over by none other than the great kurchatovium. Truly, the citizens of Quirk-ville can feel safe with The Armada watching over them!

Breakdown of the stationed Armada

3 Flagships
50 captured Sky Wombat Motherships
200 "Appletini Class" Cruisers
800 "Lezbear Class" Battleships
6,000 Fighters*

*Piloted by Meatshield Martini Monsters

Chain of Command (simplified breakdown)

Amandabear > kurchatovium
Amandabear < kurchatovium
Amandabear <> Amandabear**
Ticklingnemesis > kurchatovium
Ticklingnemesis > Amandabear
kurchatovium < Helena
Everyone < The tiny widdle atom

** In case one of the commanders are drunk, Mayor West assumes command - provided the Texas Beer-apes are not currently playing a QHL-game, in which case command is returned to whoever has had the most to drink.

Note: None of the above applies on Fridays, which is Funny-Goofy-Hat-Day, so stack up on some funny hats!

The Armada in action on Funny-Goofy-Hat-Day.